People ask me all the time whether I offer dating and relationship coaching for single men. But I tell them that I help men by helping women who are dating after 40. ) One of the most transformational ways I support women is by helping you better understand GROWNUP men.
Just like women, the men you’re dating have lived and learned.
It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever. As to where you meet men, yes, there’s one place that’s more effective in making introductions than 100 visits to Whole Foods and Art History class combined.
So if it’s not already abundantly clear, dating advice is not about WHERE to meet men.
In my own life, I’ve learned that having close friends of different ages helps me feel like less of an outlier among my peers, and reminds me that I can wind up sharing plenty with someone, even if they’re in a different phase of life. ANN_IN_BOSTONI met the love of my life online last year and I am 52. Online dating should not be your sole or even primary focus, but to rule it out is to cut off one of the primary ways people in their 40s and 50s meet. Live your life, keep all options open, make yourself happy in the meantime. In my experience, you’ve just got to keep contacting people, and hope for a connection. Not much better from a male’s point of view — i.e., some women are reluctant to give their phone number.
Having older and younger friends makes the world seem bigger — and a lot less lonely. .) And they’re at museums, and bookstores, and protests, and hikes, and concerts, and lectures. I give mine and times to call — and they don’t call.
I know you want to meet someone who’s 40-ish, but it might be a 33-year-old friend who knows your match. Maybe I sound pathetic, but I’ve just started going out and doing things I like to do by myself.
Maybe that 33-year-old friend will turn out to be your match. At some point maybe I’ll run into someone decent, but if not, I had fun anyway.
But for me, and my three best friends, the key word is “want” rather than need.
Style section had a sobering little piece about single guys (mostly straight, though two gay men were quoted as well) in their 30s and 40s who are starting to realize that a successful career won’t massage their aching, aging knees and being the last guy to leave the club is not a good look. I found myself getting worked up about this piece despite it being fairly innocuous – it even features the nice story of 40-something guy who decided he wanted to settle down, went outside his comfort zone and ended up meeting a future wife and baby mama that my cynically-motivated Google stalking revealed is actually pretty age-appropriate.
With most of their friends already married, these greying bachelors are torn up about the future. All his friends have significant others and children, so there’s no one to go out and get drunk with. But the sense of life is to have kids and try to give them as much as you know. I believe the day you go somewhere where you aren’t supposed to be, you end up falling in love and having babies. It’s not that I completely lack empathy for single men in my age range who are only now starting to crave deeper bonds; I just find it frustrating that the guys interviewed, not to mention guys I know, seem to think being emotionally available is a laborious buzzkill.
Just like how you’ve dated your share of challenging types of men like the Pinger, the Couch Potato and the older-and-balder-than-his-profile-guy…men also meet and enter into relationships with less-than-impressive types of women.
I’ve talked to countless single men over the years about their experiences with women, especially those in their 40s, 50s and beyond.