Speed dating jokes

Be sure to visit the experts’ sites to learn how they can help you pick up more girls and get a girlfriend.

Before we jump straight into the 7 situations, I’ll give you my step-by-step method for picking up girls.

Q: How many Atlanta Falcons does it take to win a Super Bowl? Q: What do you call an Atlanta Falcon with a Super Bowl ring? Q: What's the difference between the Atlanta Falcons and a dollar bill? Q: What do the Atlanta Falcons and possums have in common? A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? Q: What do the Atlanta Falcons and Billy Graham have in common? A: Kick his sister in the mouth Q: What should you do if you find three Atlanta Falcons football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Q: What's the difference between an Atlanta Falcons fan and a carp? Q: What do you call an Atlanta Falcon in the Super Bowl? Q: Did you hear that Atlanta's football team doesn't have a website? Q: How many Atlanta Falcons fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Studying the Miranda Rights Q: How do you keep a Falcons fan from masterbating?

A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill. A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! Q: What do the Falcons and the Post Office have in common? A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ". A: "We can't beat New Orleans." Q: How do you stop an Atlanta Falcons fan from beating his wife? Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Atlanta Falcons fan? Q: If you have a car containing a Falcons wide receiver, a Falcons linebacker, and a Falcons defensive back, who is driving the car? A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish. How did the Atlanta Falcons fan die from drinking milk? A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!

For example, if the deceased's name was Moshe (spelled mem, shin, hey), then one recites the entire paragraph beginning with the letter MEM, then the paragraph of SHIN, then HEY.

I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back! Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." 13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." 4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had? We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours..you know someone who can post your bail." AND THE WINNER IS... He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! " ____________________An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." ____________________A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman? ____________________A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Homer gets out.

"____________________A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." 11 "You don't know how fast you were going? She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator! " "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform? The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park..couldn't find his way home.

"____________________A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference? The cop pulled the guy out of the car and worked him over for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down? Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... but don't let me catch you speeding again." ____________________A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere.

'____________________A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. " ____________________A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head.

285

Leave a Reply